Balitaliano

Day 3, Ubud.

I checked-in at Komaneka Resort today. Greeted by scented cold towel and a tangy welcome drink, I was told that the only room left was the Pool Villa - even better! It has a typical Balinese entrance, which most people would leave the doors open unless you're the type who prefers complete privacy - I didn't mind... ;p

Through the doors I was greeted by views of other boutique hotels around the area, surrounding the lushy green rice field with farmers working on it. On the right is the pool and 2 deck chairs. I was ushered into the villa through the double doors at the terrace where the daybed, dining table and minibar is located. As soon as I saw the four-posted king and flowers in the sunken bath, my senses weeped. A lux reunion of a stressed out soul and the magic of Bali.

The relaxation begins.

I had made an appointment for a scrub and body massage but it wasn't till 6pm. So, I corked the complimentary Rosé, sank into the pool and let time pass by.

The phone rang at five-to. It was a gentle reminder for the spa appointment.

The spa was only a short distance away. I was greeted by the ever-smiling therapist, who had me changed, served me tonic and gave me a foot bath. Then I was taken to the treatment room, which also had an open air bath filled with 1,001 flower petals, and a reed garden.

The treatments began.

I finished around 7.30pm. Lazily walked back to the villa to get ready for dinner. My cousin came along with Kang Ei and Mas Dodi when I was sitting at the coffee house to check my emails. We left for Davide's after drinks and a short tour of the villa.

Davide is friends with our friends. He's half-Sicilian-half-English, who also speaks Indonesian although I don't know how well. He first came to Bali 10 years ago and been here on an off ever since. One of his brothers is an amazing and talented guitarist who won the World Classical Guitar competition in 1987.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw his house as we approached on a dark small road in Kutuh. It's a typical Balinese house, set almost in the middle of a rice field. We trailed the driveway leading to one of the houses on the property. We found him chillin' out with his other Indonesian-speaking friends - Sayon who I first thought was local is actually Hawaiian, and Puri, an Australian whose parents spent many years as Expats here.

We got acquainted, checked out the other house, which Davide had just finished building, listened to Davide's brother Danien's guitar tracks and listened to his stories and antics. Kang Ei and I got a copy each of Danien's tracks that won him the world title.

We left Davide's at 11.30pm and had Nasi Padang for dinner. They sent me back to the hotel an hour later and I retired to bed just after I ordered for breakfast.

Long day ahead.

Sent via BlackBerry

Bali Hai

I had less than an hour before my flight departs to Bali when I reached the airport. But, this was all intentional as I wanted to try and ask for an upgrade--as they would normally do when the flight is full--and true enough, they did put me on Business Class!

It took 2 hours and 40 minutes to get here, and had to wait another 30 mins for customs clearance and claim my luggages. I met my cousin and her friend and took off to a place called La Pau, which served authentic Nasi Padang. Mattross the owner, who happens to be my cousin's friend greeted us and served us good food. Apparently, at nights, they play Live Jazz, performed either by the house band or local or international bands who happens to be in town.

We then continued our journey home, in Ubud, which is about an hour's drive from Ngurah Rai Airport.

I've only seen pictures of the place I'm staying. But when we arrived, I was gobsmacked. It was more beautiful and rustic. I was very impressed.

I'll post the pictures as soon as I get them developed. I'm using one of those disposal cameras coz I stupidly forgot to pack my own.

The property is about a hectar. Originally there were 15 Balinese-style bungalows but now, only a few are still standing. The rest were destroyed by weather and time. Only the foundations and concrete slabs remain.

Imagine Pangkor Laut Estates.

The history goes that the land belonged to the current landlord's parents--who's father married the heiress to the Rockerfeller fortune. In the 70's, the family used the property as their private holiday resort, complete with secret gardens, amphitheatre, kitchen and cooks, etc. But now, it's become the current landlord's private residence, who rents out the remaining bungalows to long-term tenants.

My cousin signed a 10-year contract for one of them so that she can live there while she paints, and I've taken up another bungalow for as long as I'm here.

Tongue-in-cheek moment

Something odd happened today but instead of throwing fits about it, I was rather intrigued.

I asked the maid to prepare 2 packets of Maggi Instant Curry Noodles, which happen to be the only snack in the larder that had not exceeded the expiry date. Simple instructions were given:

- Half-cooked
- 1 egg
- Use less water for the soup

I went outside and meddled with my car for a bit.

After a few minutes, I went back in, and saw her walking back to the kitchen holding an empty tray.

Brilliant!

It's ready!

My bedroom door flies open...

*Record Scratch*

There's a bowl of steaming soggy soupless noodles on the coffee table.

I was on the way back to the kitchen, when I realised... I got what I asked for.

How?

Half-cooked noodles with just enough water to cover the surface at cooking time will only give you just that - water gets absorbed into the noodles as it softens...

I arrived the kitchen, and before I said anything... the maid started to explain the Naked Science.

I wouldn't say anything.

I couldn't.

So I pretended that I needed more Root Beer, and scurried back to my room.

I must say, it actually tasted damn good, with all the soup in the noodles.

No need to use the spoon.

Kill two birds with one stone.

What d'ya know, huh?

Silly?

Genius.

Remember Osmosis?

Or perhaps t'was just a simple case of a 'sponge-in-pail' episode...

:P

The Leisure Meter: How to allocate your free time this month

1. Seeing The Number 23, a film about a man (Jim Carrey) whose growing obsession with a book that seems to mirror his life causes him to find numerical coincidences involving—not surprisingly—the number 23. (1 hour, 33 minutes)

2. Entertaining yourself with jokes about how the number 23 applies to other aspects of the film, like the number of people who might enjoy Carrey's sex scenes. (23 minutes)

3. Watching Family Ties season one on DVD, because life hasn't been quite as joyful since TV Land stopped airing reruns. (4 hours)

4. Wishing TV theme songs still ended with a perfectly simple "sha la la la." (5 minutes)

5. Arranging and rearranging these new titles on your bookshelf for optimal visibility:

-- Frederic Strauss's Almodovar on Almodovar, an analysis of the Spanish filmmaker and his films.-- Susan Sontag's At the Same Time, 16 essays and speeches written by the author in the last years of her life.-- David Mamet's Bambi vs. Godzilla, a candid look at moviemaking in Hollywood. (15 minutes)

6. Being satisfied. (2 minutes)

7. Being self-satisfied. (Much, much longer)

8. Suppressing your masculinity as you choose from the 3,300 worldwide boutique inns at bedandbreakfast.com to prove you're capable of choosing a thoughtful Valentine's Day gift. (30 minutes)

9. Regaining a little bit of that masculinity by giving her a card from oplusd.com. (15 minutes)

10. Listening to the energetic and only occasionally angsty rock album A Weekend in the City, by Bloc Party, a worthy follow-up to 2005's Silent Alarm. (1 hour, 30 minutes)

11. Attending one of the special chef presentations at the Food Network South Beach Wine & Food Festival in Miami (February 22 to 25). (1 hour)

12. Kicking yourself if you opted to see Tyler Florence, Emeril Lagasse, or Rachael Ray over the succulent Giada De Laurentiis. (30 minutes)

13. Reading Triumph, an inspiring account of Jesse Owens's record-breaking performances at the 1936 Olympics, by Cinderella Man author Jeremy Schaap. (3 hours)

- Esquire Magazine

Why I Love My Alpha Wife

I came across this article today and despite the circumstances (for some reason or another), I still felt the love.

Don't you?

A 'tale' of every man's dream of a perfect (in an imperfect world) family.

So to speak. :P

"I wake early to get to my desk. I first grind the coffee beans, fill the espresso maker, ready the milk, empty the dishwasher while I'm waiting for the milk to heat, the coffee to come up. When she wakes I bring her a cup, usually, but not always, in bed.

When they wake I make breakfast for the kids, pack their lunches. I make sure their schoolwork is finished and packed, their backpacks by the door.

My wife takes them to school, on the way to the office, where she is the boss.

She is a publisher. I am a writer. Left alone, I work through the day, once or twice a week throw in two or three loads of laundry, wash and dry the clothes, linens, towels, put them away, except for her clothes, which I leave on her dresser, not wanting to put things in the wrong place. Amidst all the piles, I try to pay extra attention to her jeans and her fine articles of lingerie, which she prefers attending to herself lest I screw them up.

At 3 o'clock I pick up the kids, take them on some days to the Y for swimming lessons, or walk them leisurely and pleasurably home, stopping on the way at the grocery store to pick up milk (always milk) and anything else we might need for dinner.

She comes home at 6:30. I do the cooking. Usually something simple—roasted chicken with potatoes slathered in paprika, salt, and pepper, left to roast in the chicken's juices in the bottom of the pan; spaghetti and meatballs (she passes on the pasta but loves the meatballs: beef, veal, pork, one egg, bread crumbs, fresh parsley, oregano, basil, salt, and ground pepper); or I call ahead for rice and beans ("My wife will be there in 10 minutes") to the Cuban-Chinese restaurant that we love.

We clean up together.

We've got it down.

She describes herself as a control freak. Sure, she likes things done her way. But then again, I like things done my way. We are lucky enough that her way and my way often coincide. Once I asked her to clarify what she means by "control freak."

"Like when you were finishing your book," she said.

Oh, that.

There was a slight glitch that took place in our lives last year, and if I'm going to be honest the year before that, and the year before that, and a couple of years more than that besides. I was finishing up a novel I had been finishing up, or had been nearing completion of, ever since we've known each other.

Actually, I had been working on this project for the last 17 years. I guess I fell in love with the research and always felt I had to do more.

I had written it and rewritten it (at one point it was 2000 pages), edited it and re-edited it, asked for help, then lashed out when I got it.

That's just the way things go.

Unfortunately, it put an enormous financial burden on our lives. My end of mortgage payments, utility bills, food, clothes, car payments, insurance, birthday presents, Christmas presents, walking-around money, going out to eat, you name it, all going on my credit card(s).

Having a steady paycheck, she was taking care of most of our responsibilities, but still.

"We've got to talk about your finances," she kept saying.

I would go into a huff. "Joel, we need to sit down and make a budget," she'd say, in retrospect, calmly enough.

"You don't understand," I would shout. "I'm not like you. I don't get a paycheck. There's nothing to budget."

"No, you don't understand," she would insist. "Our money is running out. You are putting yourself, your children, me, us, at risk."

I would storm off, sulk, snap, crackle, pop, refuse to talk another word with her, leave the room when she came in.

She is a remarkable woman. As small as I am, she is large. She would never lash out at me. She would let her anger be known, but she would not pick me apart, not in this way.

And eventually, I was able to come to my senses.

Thanks to her, we own two beautiful homes. I am good with my hands and love to build and fix and repair, but she is always doing budgets and planning. When it comes to finances, everything must be known, in her opinion, and she works assiduously so that she always knows where we are in terms of money.

I love her.

We sat down, and we made a budget.

Every payment, every expenditure was written down. I told her I was $100,000 in debt with $20,000 cash advances on my cards still available to me.

She did not flinch, she did not condemn. She wrote the figures down and we went on. She said we could refinance the house, take out X amount of cash, pay off a big portion of what I owed. She said this will help you out for the time being, this is the window in which you can operate, but—and it was a big but—come April we are done, financially speaking. We will lose a lot of what we have built together.

For all the pain it took me to get myself to sit down with her, she liberated me. I took her figures as gospel. Rose each day and went to work. Considered exactly how much time I needed on this chapter and that, what it would take for me to get to the final conclusion of the infernal book.
Thanks to her and her savvy, I met the mark, finished and sold the book. We paid off the rest of my debt.

Still, there are certain things.

Recently we visited London for work. One of her authors, Marco Pierre White, a celebrity chef and restaurateur in Britain, requested her presence at a big political fund-raiser. Could she make it?

She spoke into the phone. "I'm here with my husband," she said. "Can he come?"

She was assured that I could. It was a sumptuous, rather startling affair at one of White's most fabulous and done restaurants, Frankie's, across town from our hotel in Soho.

We were seated at the table of honor, my wife shown to her spot of importance, marked by a place card that said, in perfectly elegant calligraphy, Karen Rinaldi.

I, too, was ushered to my spot, and there was my place card: Joel Rinaldi. Beta male."

Joel Rose's novel, The Blackest Bird, will be published by W.W. Norton in March.

New 1 Series three-door arrives

18/01/2007

New three-door arrives.
Revised five-door revealed.
New technology cuts emissions by up to 21 per cent and improves fuel consumption by up to 24 per cent.
Tax busting 60.1 mpg 118d is BMW's most economical production car.

The new BMW 1 Series goes on sale in Spring 2007 and it features a model line up that includes the most fuel efficient production vehicle the marque has ever produced. The introduction of a three-door model and a revised five-door come as a raft of new fuel saving innovations are rolled out across the range.

Technologies such as Brake Energy Regeneration, Auto Start-Stop function and Electric Power Steering are combined with lower rolling resistant tyres and a gearshift change indicator to encourage economical motoring. These innovations are in addition to the use of variable valve technologies and high-precision direct injection engines on some 1 Series models that boost power output but cut fuel consumption and emissions.

The BMW 118d, BMW’s most economical car, manages its record 60.1mpg figure courtesy of these features in conjunction with the use of further lightweight engineering. The car now has an aluminium crankcase to save weight. Aside from the BMW Hydrogen 7, the BMW 118d also posts the lowest ever CO2 emissions of any BMW recording 123g/km (putting it into the Band C category for Vehicle Excise Duty).

Other engines in the new 1 Series range record economy improvements of up to 24 per cent compared to the previous model, while emissions have also been cut by up to 21 per cent. These improvements have not been to the detriment of driving pleasure. The new 1 Series is powered by a range of engines whose outputs have increased by up to 20hp with a consequential improvement in performance figures.

New fuel saving technology
Brake Energy Regeneration (iGR) makes its debut on the 1 Series. The system uses an Intelligent Alternator Control (IAC) and an Absorbent Glass Mat battery to recycle previously lost energy, in turn saving fuel. It achieves this as the IAC reduces drag on the engine by only engaging when required to charge the battery, whereas a traditional alternator is always pulling power from the engine. Additionally, the energy generated by the engine on over-run (under braking or descending a hill) was previously wasted. Now this lost energy is utilised by the IAC to charge the battery. iGR alone is responsible for a three per cent improvement in fuel economy.

The new 1 Series also comes with Auto Start-Stop function to cut fuel consumption. Standard on all four-cylinder manual transmission models, except the 116i, the system automatically switches the engine off when the vehicle is stationary and the driver puts the car into neutral. To restart the driver only need engage the clutch again before pulling away in the normal manner. Should he not feel comfortable with Auto Start-Stop, the function can be manually switched off.

The use of Electric Power Steering results in approximately a tenth of drive energy consumption compared to a conventional mechanical hydraulic steering system. Power assistance is now provided by an electric motor that works only when required, such as turning a corner. Other fuel saving enhancements have been made courtesy of various ancillary devices, such as the air-conditioning power supply being disconnected from the drivetrain when not in use. Even flaps behind the kidney grille improve economy, closing up for improved aerodynamic efficiency should the engine require less airflow. The feature also improves cold starting times.

Engine changes and statistics in detail

130i: World’s lightest six-cylinder production engine with VALVETRONIC and Bi-VANOS technology achieves zero to 62mph in 6.0 seconds (five-door is 6.1 seconds) and an electronically limited top speed of 155mph. Output is 265bhp while peak torque is 315Nm. Combined fuel consumption is 34.0mpg and CO2 emissions are 197g/km.

120i: New four-cylinder engine with high-precision direct injection and Bi-VANOS technology achieves zero to 62mph in 7.7 seconds (7.8 seconds for five-door) before going on to a top speed of 139mph. Output is 170hp (up 20hp) while peak torque is now 210Nm (up 10Nm). Combined fuel consumption is 44.1mpg (improves by 17 per cent), CO2 emissions are 152g/km (down 16 per cent).

118i: New four-cylinder engine with high-precision direct injection and Bi-VANOS technology achieves zero to 62mpg in 8.7 seconds (8.8 seconds for five-door) before going on to a top speed of 130mph. Output is 143hp (up 14hp) while peak torque is now 190Nm (up 10Nm). Combined fuel consumption is 47.9mpg (improves by 24 per cent), CO2 emissions are 140g/km (down 20.5 per cent).

116i: (five-door only): Four-cylinder engine with Bi-VANOS achieves zero to 62mph in 10.9 seconds and a top speed of 124mph. Output is 116hp and peak torque is 150Nm. Combined fuel consumption is 37.7mpg and CO2 emissions are 179g/km.

120d: Second generation common-rail diesel engine with aluminium crankcase achieves zero to 62mph in 7.5 seconds (7.6 seconds for five-door) before going on to a top speed of 142mph. Output is 177hp (up 14hp) while peak torque is 350Nm (up 10Nm). Combined fuel consumption is 57.6mpg (improves by 16 per cent) and CO2 emissions are 129g/km (down 15.1 per cent).

118d: Second generation common-rail diesel engine with aluminium crankcase achieves zero to 62mph in 8.9 seconds (9.0 seconds for five door) before going on to a top speed of 130mph. Output is 143hp (up 21 hp) while peak torque is 300Nm (up 20Nm). Combined fuel consumption is 60.1mpg (improves by 19 per cent) and CO2 emissions are 123g/km (down 18 per cent).

Low running costs
The plethora of new technology showcased in the BMW 1 Series will have a significant impact on cost of ownership for customers. For the company car driver all but two engine variants now sit in the Band C category for Vehicle Excise Duty. This results in a saving of up to £505 for someone paying 40 per cent tax and up to £278 for those in the 22 per cent tax bracket. For all owners fuel consumption improvement means a 12,000 miles a year driver will save approximately £250 off the fuel bill.

Traction and safety
All BMW 1 Series models come with Dynamic Stability Control with Dynamic Traction Control for the best combination driving pleasure and safety. DSC allows drivers to make the most of the 1 Series’ 50:50 weight distribution and rear-wheel-drive configuration for the best on-road performance. The BMW 130i comes with five additional functions with its DSC+ system for enhanced convenience and driver safety: Hill Start Assistant, Brake Pre-tensioning, Brake Drying, Brake Fade Compensation and Soft Stop.
All BMW 1 Series have as standard six airbags, the Brake Force Display function on the rear lights to highlight sharp braking and Run-flat tyres with Tyre Puncture Warning System.

A new style of BMW 1 Series
To herald the introduction of the latest generation of engines, BMW’s designers have refreshed the interior and exterior styling of the five-door model. The 1 Series now features a larger kidney grille for improved airflow to the engine. The lower front spoiler has also been reprofiled to make for a larger air intake, while the spoiler protrudes further for a more pronounced, sporting look. The headlamp cluster remains the same size but a darker cover makes for a subtle, more distinguished front end.
At the rear a restyled bumper gives the impression of a wider, lower car. The rear lamp cluster now features a new arrangement of lights, but retains its original shape.

The new three-door 1 Series features the same styling cues but its side view is naturally different. The passenger doors are longer than those on the five-door model and are also frameless in the style of a coupé. Instead of a second door on each side a large fixed rear side window is in situ. Inside, customers will also be able to choose between either a four-seat or a five-seat configuration. In the four-seat arrangement rear passengers are separated by a central storage compartment and sit in more sculptured seats. As a no cost option the five-seat layout sees the rear come with the traditional bench seat standard on the five-door 1 Series. The introduction of higher quality materials and minor changes to the layout of the interior enhance customer comfort and practicality.

Optional highlights
The new 1 Series comes with MP3 and USB stick capability for the best in in-car entertainment. Customers with their favourite music loaded on an Apple iPod or a USB stick can now plug these into the car to continue their listening. Tracks are selected via steering wheel controls or the iDrive system.

The optional Adaptive Headlights that turn to follow the intended course of the car have been improved on the 1 Series. Cornering light function is added to the package as standard. This means two additional lights turn at speeds of between 22 and 40mph to further illuminate the direction of travel on a twisting road.

1 Series Pricing:

Three-door
Engine Variant OTR
118i Base £17,785.00
118i ES £18,610.00
118i SE £19,735.00
118i M Sport £21,430.00
120i Base £18,815.00
120i ES £19,640.00
120i SE £20,765.00
120i M Sport £22,390.00
130i M Sport £26,355.00
130i M Sport LE £30,270.00
118d Base £18,205.00
118d ES £19,030.00
118d SE £20,155.00
118d M Sport £21,850.00
120d Base £19,630.00
120d ES £20,455.00
120d SE £21,580.00
120d M Sport £23,205.00

Five-door
Engine Variant OTR
116i Base £16,310.00
116i ES £17,135.00
116i SE £18,260.00
116i M Sport £19,920.00
118i Base £18,315.00
118i ES £19,140.00
118i SE £20,265.00
118i M Sport £21,925.00
120i Base £19,345.00
120i ES £20,170.00
120i SE £21,295.00
120i M Sport £22,885.00
130i M Sport £26,885.00
118d Base £18,735.00
118d ES £19,560.00
118d SE £20,685.00
118d M Sport £22,345.00
120d Base £20,185.00
120d ES £21,010.00
120d SE £22,135.00
120d M Sport £23,725.00

A New Beginning

I took delivery of my new car today... It was almost perfect! :P

The ride's superb. It takes corners like as if the tyres stick to the tarmac!

They kept the car in the showroom for so long, I was beginning to feel restless and annoyed. In fact, I was annoyed. Really annoyed. Annoyed annoyed annoyed!

To make it perfect, I need to retro-fit Xenon headlights (RMXX,000) and the Bluetooth handsfree kit (RMX,000k). They're so pricey!!! But I'm still determined (maybe not anytime soon) to get them.

By the way, I got to know this site from a friend: www.realoem.com. It's like a candy store for BMW enthusiasts.

Anyway, looks like i'm gonna be very busy this weekend. I figured that it needed to get an insight to what kind of life its owner lives. So, I'll be taking it for a spin, visiting places - for a quick introduction.

Mission Impossible 1: Getting pass them door bitches!

Insane.

Secret Santa

I was so anxious to go to the office today. I wanted to know if my secret Santa has bought my Xmas present or not. I've been so worried for the past week as the presents were building up day-by-day and none had my name on it. Today was the day we'll open our presents.

When I got in, there was a crowd around the tree. Looks like everyone's anxious. I wiggled through and... there it was! A BIG shoebox size present with my name boldly pre-printed on the white address label. WHOAH! I almost let out a scream! heheh

I had to buy someone a gift too. I had trouble buying it as the person I got when we drew the lots was someone who I still haven't had the chance to get to know better, yet. I didn't even know his sense of humour, so, needless to say, anything from the sex shop was out of the question. :P

In the end, I bought something neutral, but nevertheless appropriate for the occasion. Anyway, hope the receipient likes it.

And to my secret Santa, thank you very much for the lounging flip-flops! I really like it!

Merry Christmas everyone.

A Revelation

L and I decided to go out for lunch today in Bangsar. As we were driving towards Rebung Restaurant, I noticed a prominent landmark and thought of another friend C, who happens to be an ex-colleague. I immediately took the phone and dialed her. She agreed to join us. It was nice to see her. This was the first time we met up since she left.

Turns out Rebung didn't have à la carte menu for lunch so we had to go for the buffet... great! This means I could have my favourite Gulai Perut Pucuk Rebung, and Paru Goreng Berempah! - Yummey!!!

By this time, our conversations grew hotter with juicier gossips pouring in (a phenomenon which usually occurs when I have meals with more than one female companion). :P

This excitement was shortlived however, when the tables were turned towards me...

I just discovered a very disturbing fact about a certain individual;

A fact which totally messed up my mood for the rest of the day, and probably the rest of the year;

A fact that could totally change my perception towards other people... forever.

Fuck.

Life Support

As I was settling in after being admitted to the hospital for Acute Tonsilitis, I looked around the room for the nearest power point to the bed so that I could plug-in my phone charger.

My eyes finally locked on to the panel above my bed where a series of switches, panic button, vacuum & oxygen valves, a wired remote control for the tv, reading lights and a call button linked to the nurse station, another lightswitch and a couple of power outlets; 1 occupied by a plug presumably for the bed and the other, vacant, but clearly marked by a red switch button. Great!

Before I could slam my charger in the socket, R interrupted and said, "Hey! That's for emergencies only!"

"Like Life Support Machines and what not!", he continued.

I looked at him in disgust, wiggled my phone and charger and said, "This iiiisssss a life support machine, idiot!"

We laughed. T'was insane.

He agreed, "Oh yea, aar?!"

It's been plugged in ever since, and it's probably what's kept me alive! ;p

Sent via BlackBerry

A cute tonsilitis..

Acute, rather!

It's been 4 days since my throat began to hurt. You know, one of those 'pain-per-talk', 'tears-per-swallow', 'pay-per-view' moments... Even my left ear hurt. It felt like it's being shoved too deep with a q-tip!

On day 1, I went to the ER at SJMC to get it checked. Turned out, other than a sore throat I had coughs too, and was wheezing pathetically. They put me on Neb treatment for awhile, and sent me home with a lab of drugs and a hefty bill. I popped 'em as soon as I got in the car and off I went. I almost forgot I had a throat! Anyway..

Day 2, I woke up with a sharp pain in my ear and throat. I popped more Cattaflam to rid the pain. After awhile it worked albeit slower, and was running out of it. I decided to go back to ER for stronger ones so I didn't have to pop more often. A different doctor checked me out, prescribed supposedly stronger painkillers and anti-inflams and a sick cert. I thought, great.. Just when I needed to score more brownie points from my manager during the appraisal period, doctors are throwing MC-planes at me! Argh!

Day 3, I woke up from a bad dream which related to my tonsilitis. It could've won the Oscar's, I tell ya! It's 3.45am, and the pain was excrutiating! I popped some Ponstan and shot to the ER again. Given the pain, and the time, I could only comprehend the MO as saying, "You've got a cute tonsils and I want to get you admitted so they could start you on anti-bio IV immediately."

Cute?! Acute Tonsilitis actually ;p

For some reason, all the rooms were booked. Even the suites. Even the Super-Suites! I almost wanted to pull rank, coz it's me they're talking about! In fact, I don't think anyone staying in the wards at that time had MRNs lower than 773. I believe the MRN has reached at least 2 million over the years since SJMC opened its doors.

Sunway Hospital offered me a room but I decided to go for Selangor Medical Centre as it was nearer to home and was recently taken over by KPJ (No particular reason why - Perhaps it's the convenience+non-govt).

After paying for the 3rd day in a row, I rushed home, took some change of clothes, and off I went. No one was at ER, and I could tell the doc was sleeping. I handed the doctor's report from SJMC to one of the nurses at the station. She took me to one of the examination beds. A groggy doctor stumbled from one of the dark rooms in the back and was debriefed by the nurses, but still asked me what was the problem. I gestured to the report, she began reading. She understood, signed off - went off (to bed again, I presume).

First day in hospital. They started me on a drip coz I haven't been eating. I asked for somemore painkillers, but they injected me with something else - pain! They heard me wrong! The anti-bio IV came after but I was already asleep. The specialist came around 10am and threatened to remove my tonsils. He said the reason for my frequent infections over the last year was because of this. I refused to comprehend - I made sure he understood the meaning of 'no'. He obliged but not before giving me the "You've Been Warned" grin, and left.

My cuz R came at 11pm and brought me MacD's Apple Pie & Vanilla Milkshake! Having prepped up for this, I attacked the pie, milkshake and some smokes - fully anaesthetised by the Voltaren I had taken earlier.

Day 2, I woke up very early today. The pain has subsided but I still couldn't eat. I changed clothes and replied to the building E-mails and SMS of well wishes (and, not so well wishes). Dr. Sony came at 10am, confirmed my getting better and promised to discharge me by noon tomorrow. He ordered to stop the Glucose IV drip and I was told to eat solids. I really wished I'd go home today...

My parents showed up again today as expected. My mom brought me books I had asked for yesterday, but she switched 7/8 of them with other lame self-help books that she thought would make me grow up. I told her to take them home and give to dad. He's downstairs, getting himself checked. I'm pretty sure the doctor will find him healthy, other than a big malignent lump of 'ego' in his head.

Hmm, what's for lunch?!

Sent via BlackBerry

On test: BMW 335d Coupé

By Kyle Fortune

October 25 2006

• Model driven: BMW 335d Coupé
• Bodystyle: Coupé
• Engine: 3.0 twin-turbo straight-six
• Fuel: diesel
• Transmission: 6-speed automatic
• Date of test: Oct 2006

What is it?
The best model in the expanding 3-Series Coupé range. You can forget the 335i Coupé with its petrol engine, as this 3.0-litre straight-diesel with its twin turbochargers is the model in the range to go for. It’s the same unit that’s impressed us in the X3 and 5-Series and it does more of the same under the bonnet of the Coupé. Don’t think either that it’s just the diesel’s greater economy that’s won us over, even if 37.7mpg on the official combined cycle is very good, but it’s the engine’s incredible performance. With 282bhp and 428lb ft of torque driving through a vastly improved six-speed automatic transmission, the 335d Coupé delivers the sort of performance that makes even BMW’s mighty M6 feel slow off the line.

Where does it fit?
It and its petrol 335i relative currently sit at the top of the BMW 3-Series range. Both engines are available in the saloon and estate 3-Series models, but the two-door coupé is more expensive and more exclusive than its four-door brethren. The 335i petrol will eventually be knocked off the 3-Series top spot by the M3 with its V8 engine, and the cabriolet versions with their folding hardtop roofs will also cost more, but the 335d Coupé will remain the range-topping diesel model. Rivals in this class are few in the coupé sector, the Peugeot V6 HDI 407 Coupé and Mercedes CLK 320 CDI being possible alternatives. But neither can match the 335d Coupé’s performance or poise.

Compare the BMW 335d Coupé, Mercedes CLK 320 CDI and Peugeot 406 HDI

Is it for you?
The BMW 3-Series Coupé takes a huge proportion of the four-seat coupé market. With its wide range of engines and prices the coupé covers a broad spectrum of rivals and customers. Therefore, unlike many competitors it’s not particularly focussed on a certain demographic, BMW 3-Series Coupé buyers ranging right across the age spectrum. Although if you’re female and you buy one you’re bucking the trend, as BMW claims some 82% of 3-Series Coupés are male. Specifically this 335d model is likely to appeal to those buyers wanting the best performance possible, while keeping an eye on fuel consumption.

What does it do well?
Decent consumption is a given, and 37.7mpg on the official combined cycle doesn’t disappoint. It’s made even more remarkable when you consider the performance on offer – 62mph arrives in just 6.1 seconds. But it’s the way the 335d performs that’s so remarkable, the engine’s vast 428lb ft of torque felt from just 1,750rpm. You experience it as a forceful surge that doesn’t seem to let up further up the rev range. Its effect is enhanced by the swift shifting six-speed automatic transmission. It’s been speeded up by around 40 per cent and is so smooth you barely feel it swapping ratios, even when you take control via the steering wheel mounted paddles. Weighty, accurate steering fine body control and excellent handling add up to a hugely capable all-rounder - the rear seats can actually be used by passengers and there’s a useful boot, too.

What doesn’t it do well?
Despite BMW’s constant reminders that the Coupé shares no common sheet metal with its lesser, four-door relatives it still looks very similar. The rear lights are the biggest differentiators visually, but it’s not the head-turner it could have been. That’s particularly true inside, the Coupé sharing its dashboard, instrumentation and trim materials with its saloon alternatives. For a car that’s aimed to appeal to more style conscious buyers it lacks flair inside and doesn’t feel special enough. BMW persists in charging a hefty premium for options, too. Bluetooth preparation costs £535, while BMW charges a fairly scandalous £1,970 for its ‘Professional’ navigation system.

First Drive: BMW 3-Series Coupé

What’s it like to live with?
With its easy performance, excellent handling, fine refinement and decent consumption the 335d Coupé is a very impressive day-to-day proposition. What you lose in emotive high-rev appeal from the 335i petrol engine you more than gain in scarcely believable low rev urgency. Unlike many coupés it’s a genuinely usable proposition, too. The rear seats are suitable for adults at a push, and the boot is huge and can even be increased in usefulness by dropping the rear seat backs. The proliferation of electronic safety and driving aids – which includes DSC+, brake drying, Hill Start Assistant, Soft Stop, Fade Compensation and Brake Pre-tensioning – keep you safe, and are unnoticeable in everyday driving.

Get an insurance quote on a 335d Coupé

How green is it?
37.7mpg on the combined cycle and 200g/km of CO2 emissions are both good enough to keep the environmentalists happy. Well, as happy as today’s car hating environmentalists can be. BMW takes recycling very seriously, so a good proportion of the materials in the Coupé will be from recycled sources, while the majority of the entire car will be recyclable when it eventually buys the farm.

Used 3-Series Coupés from £1,300

Would we buy it?
Certainly. It’s got much of the space and practicality of its saloon relative, lessening the usual coupé compromises. Its six-cylinder diesel engine is also arguably one of the best diesel engines in existence. In the 335i Coupé it offers fantastic performance and refinement with the bonus of decent economy and low emissions. That makes it an able long distance proposition, yet it’s got the ability to thrill when you’re driving for the sake of it. The interior could do with being a bit more interesting, but otherwise the 335d Coupé is a very desirable car indeed.

Saved by the 'bang'...

In case you're wondering why bang is in inverted commas, I meant the Azhan...

I had a DVD marathon today, in the hopes of catching up with new movies I've been missing lately. It started with a Thai movie, Dorm (as in dormitory), about a young boy who was being transferred to a boarding school in the middle of the semester feeling lonely and abandoned. He learns of a story about a closed pool and the child that drowned in it a few years back - I won't go through the whole plot 'coz I don't wanna ruin anything. Besides, I'm not very good at film critics anyway...

More than half-way through You, Me & Dupree, R called to say that he's finished with classes and suggested to buka outside. I was kinda glad that he called, 'coz it gave me a solid excuse for not having to finish watching the whole movie as it was already 6pm and I had to get out of my stinkin' peejays - The worst movie I've seen (not like I've been watching much) this year!

Disappointing.

So, R came along, I was ready, and we turbo-ed up to Fatty Crab, scored a parking space first time around, and was greeted by Aunty Red (hair) who prompted us to a table right at the entrance next to a Malay couple, which was good, 'coz those who know me should already know that I hate doing the meandering-around a crowd of strangers who would size others up as if they have the right to do so. Nevermind the buzzcocks, we decided not to order the crab this time, but make do with the usual spread of chicken wings, garlic prawns and fried rice, and more wings!

Now this is the part where this entry's title come to play...

Since I haven't really introduced R before this, I might as well do before you let your imaginations do the tango!

R: a/s/l - 20's/M/Uranus (SS19, Subang Jaya)

Can say that we're quite close, given the fact that we both studied in the UK, grew up together, and one of the only few relatives on my dad' side, other than his bro and sis, who is around my age. They say, if the same blood runs through your veins, you could even think alike. I say, we're the living proof!

Anyway, the sugar cane juices came, and despite several solid reminders about us fasting, his ignorance was so overwhelming that he slurped 'em clean. But guess what? The Azhan only started when he was already halfway through! Pretending that nothing happened, I proceeded to sip my drink politely (while giving R the "doh!" look) as the other Malays did. What was R's reaction?

He cheekily said with a grin, "Saved by the bang?"

We laughed hysterically.

Typical.

Grin.

8 common dating lines—decoded

By Laura Gilbert

It’s no secret that the language of love isn’t always the most, well, direct. That’s why so many single people spend hours analyzing emails from dates trying to figure out if “I’m busy at work” is a brush-off, or wondering whether that invitation of “I’ll make dinner for you” indicates a desire to share a whole lot more than a favorite garlic chicken recipe. How can you suss out what someone’s really trying to say? To help you out, we got a bevy of dating experts to decode eight common lines so you’ll spend less time scratching your head and more time communicating.

Line: “I’d love to stay out, but I have to get up really early tomorrow.”
What it means: “Sorry, you just aren’t floating my boat.”

Of course, if it’s 2 a.m. or your date follows up with, “But let’s get together soon—maybe this weekend?” the fact that he or she want to end the date is no big deal. But if the night is young or your date mentions an aversion to staying out late in the middle of, say, appetizers, that’s not a good sign. Your date may sense there’s no connection and want to exit sooner rather than later, says Steve Nakamoto, author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs to Know About Catching A Man. At least look at the upside: This person’s also freeing you from a situation that’s not going anywhere, so just enjoy your dinner, then skedaddle.

Line: “I had such a good time with you.”
What it means: “Wow, you’re actually fun and different from all the other guys/girls!”

This sentence might sound generic, but try saying it out loud: It sounds far more intense than a mere “I had a nice night,” doesn’t it? “This is a way of revealing how you feel without getting too heavy,” says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life. “The person is letting you know that he or she really might like you, and trying to find out if you possibly feel the same.” So if the interest is mutual, let your date know by responding in kind.

Line: “I’m just not ready for a relationship.”
What it means: “I’m just not in love with you.”

It’s hard when someone you like tells you he or she’s not in a place to seriously date anyone. But it also makes you hope that the problem is timing, not your personalities. If you can just be patient, you think, things could percolate, right? Wrong. “This means ‘I don’t love you, so if that’s what you want, we should break up,’” says Puhn. Don’t be fooled—when this person does meet someone who has that spark, he or she will indeed be ready for a relationship.

Line: “I’d love to meet up, but I’m just really busy with work right now.”
What it means: “I’m trying to think of a really nice way to blow you off.”

Of course, this person could very well have a full schedule that week. But if he or she doesn’t offer any alternative dates to hang out, what you’re really being told is that this person would rather work than hang out with you. (Sorry.) “Your date very well could be busy. The question is whether your date’s focusing on the problem or finding a solution,” says Puhn. “You can always get away long enough for dinner or a drink with someone or say, ‘I’m going to call you in two weeks after this project is done.’ It’s a matter of priorities.” So if your date isn’t trying to pencil you in, it could be time to write that person off.

Line: “So, gotten any funny emails on Match.com lately?”
What it means: “Are you interested in seeing each other exclusively?”

Let’s face it, it’s intimidating to ask: “So are you seeing anyone else?” And with online dating, there’s a sneakier way to put out feelers: By asking a question that reveals whether someone’s been checking his or her Match.com account for new suitors. “In online dating, you can receive flirtatious emails 24/7, so leaving your profile up sends a message that you’re still open to other prospects,” says Nakamoto. So if your date’s asking anything about your online activities, it’s probably a sign he or she might pop the “So... do you want to see each other exclusively?” question soon.

Line: “So, want to meet for coffee?”
What it means: “Want to meet for a coffee and then have dinner if we like each other?”

It’s always smart to schedule a short, easy-to-end date when you’re first meeting a new person. “Committing to a dinner with someone new can seem like too much for a person who doesn’t want to get stuck at a table for hours if things aren’t clicking,” explains Puhn. Still, many online daters will leave the ensuing hours free in case you two hit it off. That doesn’t mean you should head to your rendezvous with overly high expectations and an empty stomach. If you’re hungry, eat already. If you end up wanting to prolong the fun on your date, you can always suggest going for dessert or a drink.

Line: “I’m meeting my friends for a drink—want to come?”
What it means: “I really like you and want to know if you get along with my pals.”

It may sound like a casual invite, but what your date is saying is that he or she is totally comfortable being seen with you as a couple—and is interested in how you’ll relate to his or her closest comrades. “Meeting the friends is an approval thing,” says Nakamoto. “Women want to see how he treats their friends, and men want to know if his friends like the girl.” It may seem intimidating, but it should actually boost your ego: You’ve passed the first tests and are now on your way to becoming a full-time boyfriend or girlfriend—provided the buddies sign off. If you’re feeling just as positive about the relationship, say “Yes,” and charm away.

Line: “Why don’t you come over and I’ll cook for you?”
What it means: “Ready to get physical?”

Cooking for a person is a show of intimacy in a couple of ways. “The person is really inviting you into his or her life,” says Puhn. “Someone’s apartment is their whole world, so they’re obviously very comfortable with you.” Then, of course, there’s the fact that you’ll conveniently be just a few steps from the couch — and the bedroom — later that night. If it’s a first or early date, this might actually be a bit too personal, especially if you’re not sure how you feel about your future together. But if you’re pretty sure you’re ready to explore things further, congratulations, tonight could be the night!

New York City freelance writer Laura Gilbert has written for Health, Stuff, Maxim, The Knot, and other publications.

Article courtesy of Happen magazine, www.happenmag.com.

5 questions to ask on a date

By Ayren Jackson-Cannady

Early date chit-chat can become so formulaic that you walk away knowing little more about a person than a few résumé-ready bullet points: Where he grew up, where she went to school, for whom he toils to get his biweekly paycheck. “We tend to ask more questions about a car or house than about the person we are going out with and potentially entrusting our hearts with,” says Eve Hogan, author of Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be. That’s not to say your early get-togethers should be interrogation-quality, with the blinding light bulb, two-way mirror and good-cop/bad-cop act. The trick is to ask questions that aren’t too personal, but still reveal your date’s tastes and his or her values. What’s the difference? Well, if you like Joni Mitchell and your date digs Ice-T, you may assume you’re not a match (different tastes)—unless you can discern that you’re both compelled by politically-minded lyrics (similar values). So next time you’ve got silence to fill, ask one of these playful and engaging questions.

1. What’s your favorite scene from your favorite book or movie? Talking about mass media and pop culture can clue you in to similar interests and worldviews. “Books, movies, and music all transmit powerful messages of hope or emotion,” says Hogan. “If you have radically different preferences, there may be some fundamental differences between the way the two of you look at the world.” But asking your date to name his or her favorite scene can help you distill what’s important to him or her beyond just genre.

2. What do you love about your job? The standard, “What do you do?” is a closed question that doesn’t reveal much about a person other than a job title. But if you phrase the career question a bit differently, you can delve into your date’s likes and dislikes; reveal his or her strengths; see how he or she handles conflict; and find out how happy this person is with life overall. Think about the different impressions you’ll form if your date answers the question, “Knowing that I’m helping people fulfill their dream” versus “Deciding what to order for lunch!”

3. What’s your definition of a relationship? Granted, it takes a bit of build-up to ask this question (usually, once you begin discussing your dating histories, you can slip this one in), but it’s worth asking. Does your date want to be wined and dined, or are you both looking for a 50/50 relationship? It’s too soon to know what this specific potential relationship will look like, but a question like this lets you share your expectations and fundamental beliefs. “I like to ask this question early on, because I’ve found that some women I’ve dated didn’t know what they wanted out of our relationship,” says Mario Webb of Ft. Walton Beach, FL. “They came into it just hoping things work out without telling me what they expect. Needless to say, things haven’t worked out.” And if your date’s answer is outside the range of what you consider acceptable, you’ve saved yourself future heartbreak by finding out before you fall for him or her.

4. If money were no object, what would you do with your life? This tried-and-true icebreaker showcases your date’s hopes, dreams, and even regrets—topics that often remain untouched by even serious romantic partners. The answers can range from a desire to travel to going back to school to learning how to play the violin. Two buttoned-up stockbrokers might discover they both share a secret longing to be athletes or a shared devotion to public service. Your date’s response will help clue you in to common goals and interests that go beyond what you do on a day-to-day basis.

5. Will you share an embarrassing moment with me? This fun question is great to ask when a date has gotten a little tense or quiet, because it reveals both details of your date’s history and his or her character. Just know that you may have to share an awkward experience first in order to make your date feel comfortable. “One of the great things is that our humanity is a bonding thing,” says Hogan. “Our ability to laugh at ourselves is critical in a budding relationship.” So make it clear that you’re not looking for dirt on that plagiarism incident in 11th grade, but rather something goofy, like the time you drove a golf cart into the water, installed a chandelier upside-down and so forth.

By asking these questions and considering the answers, you’ll gain valuable insights onto your date—and know whether the two of you are likely to click on future get-togethers.

Ayren Jackson-Cannady has written for Quick and Simple, Time Out New York, and Suede.

6 secret guy turn-ons

By Matt Schneiderman

Sure, girlie-girl moves — a hair flip here, an eye batted there — will attract a guy... some of the time. But you may be surprised at the things guys really can’t resist about women, and some of them are the very qualities women fear will drive men away—from letting a curse word loose to leaving all kinds of makeup near his bathroom sink. Here’s why these habits and others actually win a man over.

1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime. Guys love girls who love to eat—not girls who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night. Paul, 30, who lives in Boston, thinks that food may be the reason he fell in love with his fiancée: “When we first started dating, I thought it might be awkward if I wanted greasy food like wings—I figured she’d think it was fattening or unhealthy. Women I’d dated in the past only wanted to go out for salad or sushi. But she was enthusiastic about eating all kinds of things with me. I loved that easygoing attitude of hers.” Aside from showing that you’re not high-maintenance or neurotic about your weight, that kind of unabashed enthusiasm also tends to translate into other areas—including the bedroom. “A woman with a healthy appetite for food tends to have a healthy appetite on all levels, and sex is absolutely a part of that,” explains Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., author of Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship.

2. He loves your occasional obscenities. You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. “Hearing a woman use profanity out of context gives a guy a shock of sexual adrenaline,” explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman and co-host of Discovery Health’s Love on the Rocks. “Men like women who can be tough and assertive, and as long as she doesn’t take the talk too far, it’s a positive thing.”

3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak. Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly sexy. “I love that my wife makes a bigger mess than I do,” says Ziad, 31, of Durham, NC. “When she cooks, food ends up all over the place. It shows that she’s carefree, and it reminds me to enjoy the moment rather than worrying about the consequences.” This laid-back mind-set also carries over into your weekend wardrobe. “Guys love a woman who’s not trying too hard,” explains Dr. Kerner. “Most men think a pair of boxer shorts and a ratty old T-shirt around the house is your sexiest look.” So don’t spend hours choosing the perfect date-night outfit or getting your place in House Beautiful–shape, because men love you just as you are—in your comfortable, slightly sloppy glory.

4. He loves your extra padding. Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. Just ask 26-year-old Nick: “My girlfriend exercises regularly, but I think the little pudginess in her thighs is sexy because it shows she’s not perfect.” Sure, your extra padding may make men feel a little better about their own beer bellies, but there’s also a biological reason why men like this. Psychologists at the University of TX determined that men were most attracted to women with hourglass figures — specifically, women whose waists were 60 to 80 percent smaller than their hips — regardless of their weight. They theorize that men unconsciously seek this body type because it signals that a woman is able to procreate.

5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of medieval tapestries. Or whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered—whether or not he shares the same interests. “It’s not about knowing facts—it’s about being passionate about something,” says romance columnist Mira Kirshenbaum, author of The Weekend Marriage. “These are things that are important to her, not just stuff meant to impress a guy.” This can be passion for a subject as seemingly obscure as agricultural practices of the Mayans or as popular as Spanish as a second language. He may not quite get it and he may not want to have all-night discussions about it, but he definitely appreciates the fact that you’re a smart, interesting woman who thinks for herself and doesn’t mold her interests to match those of her man. Your interests also fuel what Kerner calls the process of self-expansion. “The more you expand as a person,” he explains, “the more the relationship expands.”

6. He loves a good head rub from you. Don’t get me wrong—men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave. Adam, 28, of Roanoke, VA, confesses: “I love how my wife rubs my head at night.” Sweet, yes, but it also feels oh-so-good: Home to hundreds of nerve endings, the scalp is an often-neglected zone. And light touches anywhere can achieve a similar effect, since they cause his body to produce vasopressin, a feel-good relaxation hormone that also promotes bonding. Another positive side effect? Initiating any kind of physical contact sends your man the message that you want him just as much as he wants you—and that you truly care about him.

Matt Schneiderman has written for Stuff, Cargo, and Sync magazines.

59 Things a Man Should Never Do Past 30

1. Coin his own nickname.

2. Use a wallet that is fastened with Velcro.

3. Rank his friends in order of best, second best, and so on.

4. Hacky sack.

5. Name his "unit" his name plus junior.

6. Hang art with tape.

7. Hang The Scream, unless he stole it from the Munch museum in Oslo.

8. Ask a policeman, "You ever shoot anybody with that thing?"

9. Ask a woman, "Hey, you got a license for that ass?"

10. Skip.

11. Take a camera to a nude beach.

12. Let his father do his taxes.

13. Tap on the glass.

14. Shout out a response to "Are you ready to rock?"

15. Use the word collated on his resume.

16. Hold a weekly house meeting with roommates.

17. Name pets after Middle Earth characters.

18. Jokingly flash gang signs while posing for wedding photos.

19. Give shout-outs.

20. Use numbers in place of words or locations, such as "the 411" for information, or "the 313" for Detroit.

21. Hug amusement-park characters.

22. Wear Disney-themed neckties.

23. Wake up to a "morning zoo."

24. Compare the trajectory of his life with those of the characters in Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant."

25. Request extra sprinkles.

26. Air drum.

27. Choose 69 as his jersey number.

28. Eat Oreo cookies in stages.

29. Volunteer to be a magician's assistant.

30. Sleep on a bare mattress.

31. End a conversation with "later skater."

32. Hold his lighter up at a concert.

33. Publicly greet friends by shouting, "What's up, you whore?"

34. Wear Converse All Stars with a tuxedo.

35. Propose via stadium Jumbotron.

36. Decide anything based on the ruminations of Howard Stern.

37. Call "shotgun" before getting in a car.

38. Dispute someone else's call of "shotgun."

39. Whine.

40. Mist up during Aerosmith's "Dream On."

41. Purchase fireworks.

42. Google the word vagina.

43. Ride a pony.

44. Sport an ironic mustache.

45. Hit 13 against a 6.

46. Organize a party bus.

47. Say "two points" every time he throws something in the trash.

48. Buy a novelty postcard in another country of topless women on a beach and write, "Wish you were here" on it.

49. Keg stands.

50. Purchase home-brewing paraphernalia.

51. The John Travolta point-to-the-ceiling-point-to-the-floor dance move; also that one from Pulp Fiction.

52. Put less than ten dollars' worth of gas in the tank.

53. Keep a minuscule amount of marijuana extremely well hidden.

54. Read The Fountainhead.

55. Watch the Pink Floyd laser light show at a planetarium.

56. Refer to his girlfriend's breasts as "the twins."

57. Own a vanity plate.

58. Whippits.

59. Say goodbye to anyone by tapping his chest and even so much as whispering, "Peace out."

Things A Man Should Never Do Past The Age of One

By Jasper Jacobs, age 17 months

Get circumcised.

Spend more than ten minutes looking at a checkerboard pattern (exception: peyote users).

Look longingly at his mother's breasts.

Urinate in his mouth.

Be terrified of Mr. Noodle on Elmo's World.

Cry at the sight of a wooden spoon.

Eat pureed Wheat Thins.

Suck on the corner of a laptop.

Go willingly into the arms of strangers.

Lose neck control.

Have a favorite Higglytown Hero.

"Make nice."

Wear a unitard.

Read The Fountainhead.

Find these and many more immature taboos in Esquire's Things a Man Should Never Do Past 30, available now. Buy it, use it, give it to a hopeless friend.

Time of my life

As I type the first letter of this sentence, I've been alive for 9295 days and 12 hours, equivalent to 803,131,200 seconds. How I wish these numbers were the amount of money (in £ of course, heheheh) I have in the bank :P

Good night people... and don't forget to breath!

P/S: Can someone count how many seconds has it been since my last posting? Imagine if that's the amount I have to pay for not updating my blog... Eeek! LaterZ!

Question Time: 22 questions for (Tun Dr) Mahathir

By P Gunasegaram

Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi is only in his third year as Prime Minister but his pre­decessor Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad already has four questions for his administration to answer. They relate to Proton’s sale of MV Agusta; the exit of the former Proton chief executive officer; approved permits for cars; and scrapping of the bridge project.

While we would like to hear a better explanation from the government than what has been given so far, Abdullah should not be the only one answering questions. I am sure we all have questions for Mahathir too — on how he ran the country for 22 years. Here’s a list of 22 questions or rather 22 groups of questions we would like to ask Mahathir, one for each of his 22 years in power:

On clean government. You came to power in 1981 and introduced the slogan “bersih, cekap dan amanah” (clean, efficient and trustworthy). What did you do to further that? Did you make the Anti-Corruption Agency more independent and effective? Did you ensure that the police and judiciary did their job properly and reduce corruption in their ranks? Did you ensure that ministers and chief ministers not have income beyond their legal means? How many big guns were prosecuted for corruption offences during your long tenure? What happened to “bersih, cekap dan amanah”?

Press freedom. Your criticism of the government got plenty of coverage in the local media whereas during your time, criticisms against you by two former prime ministers were muted in the mainstream newspapers. Editors in Umno-linked newspapers too were removed during your time for not toeing the line. What did you do to advance the cause of responsible press freedom?

Proton. You went ahead with the national car project in 1983 despite a number of experts disagreeing with you, especially with respect to lack of economies of scale. Isn’t it true that Proton’s profits over the last 20 years came out of vastly higher prices that the Malaysian public has to pay to subsidise Proton, resulting in considerable hardship for Malaysians who need cars because of the poor public transport system? More lately, why was it necessary for Proton to buy a stake in a failed Italian motorcycle manufacturer when it could not even produce cars competitively?

Heavy industries. Why did you push into heavy industries such as steel and cement in the 1980s, ignoring studies which suggested developing natural resource-based industries instead? They caused major problems and billions of ringgit in losses.

Population. Why did you encourage a population of 70 million for Malaysia and change the name of the National Family Planning Board to the National Population Development Board? How do you expect poor people to take care of five, six or more children? What kind of quality of life can they provide their children?

Immigration. Why did you allow hordes of people to immigrate, mainly from Indonesia, in such an unregulated way that there are as many or more illegal immigrants than legal ones now, accounting for some two million or more people? Did you not realise that this would cause serious social problems?

On his first deputy. Some five years after you came to power, there were serious rifts between you and your deputy Datuk (now Tun) Musa Hitam. What was the cause of these problems and was it because you were heavy-handed and did not consult your ministers?

On the first serious Umno split. When Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah and Musa took on Tun Ghafar Baba and you at the Umno general assembly of 1987, it caused a serious split in Umno, with you winning by a very narrow margin (761 to 718). Why did you not seek to heal the rift in Umno post the elections? Instead, you purged Umno and its successor Umno Baru of those who opposed you, causing an unprecedented split in Malay unity.

Operasi Lalang. Why did you have to resort to this move in October 1987, when you used wide powers of detention under the Internal Security Act to detain over 100 people, close down four newspapers and cause a wave of fear throughout the country? Was it to consolidate your tenuous hold on power then by using an oppressive law?

Judiciary. What was your motive to take action in 1988 to remove the then Lord President and several Supreme Court judges from their positions under allegations of judicial misconduct, a move which was heavily criticised by the Bar Council and other bodies? Was it because you needed more compliant judges whose rulings would not threaten your position of power in a number of cases in court? Was this the first step in dismantling the judiciary’s role as a system of checks and balances against the legislature and the executive? What have you to say to repeated assertions by many, including prominent ex-chief justices, who maintain that this led to the erosion of judicial independence?

Education. You presided over the education system at an important part of its transformation first as Education Minister in the 1970s, then as Prime Minister. Would it be correct to surmise therefore that you were also responsible for its decline during those years? Why did you not spend more money and resources to ensure that our education system was excellent and continued to improve but instead spent billions on other showpiece projects? Why did you allow our national school system, which is the ideal place to develop ties among young Malaysians, to become so divisive that today, 90% of those who attend national schools come from only one race while the rest have opted out?

Former finance minister Tun Daim Zainuddin. Why did you give this one man so much power? And you have not given a satisfactory explanation why he left government the second time round. Did it have anything to do with the forced consolidation of banks? Why did the government buy back Malaysian Airline System (MAS) at RM8 a share in 2000 from Tan Sri Tajudin Ramli when the market price was less than half that?

Cronyism and patronage. Did you not encourage cronyism and patronage by dishing out major projects to a few within the inner circle? People such as Tan Sri Halim Saad (the Renong group — toll roads, telecommunications and so on), Tajudin (mobile telephone group TRI and MAS), Tan Sri Amin Shah Omar (the failed PSC Industries — multi-billion ringgit naval dockyard contracts) and Tan Sri Ting Pek Khiing (Ekran — the Bakun Dam), to mention just a few?

Privatisation. Why did you allow privatisation to take place in such a manner that the most profitable parts of government operations were given away? Toll roads had guaranteed toll increases and compensation in the event traffic projections were not met. Independent power producers had contracts that guaranteed them profits at the expense of Tenaga Nasional.

Tun Ghafar Baba. Although Ghafar had the highest number of votes among Umno vice-presidents when Tun Hussein Onn became Prime Minister in 1976, you, who got the lowest number of votes, were chosen as Hussein’s deputy. Yet, when you called upon Ghafar to be your deputy in 1986 when you fell out with Musa, he obliged, helping you to win the Umno presidency. Yet, you and your supporters did little to back him up when he was challenged for the deputy presidency in 1993 by Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim. Can we say that you stabbed him in the back? And what about Hussein, the man who picked you as his successor? He died not as a member of Umno as he had refused to join your Umno Baru.

Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim. Did you move against him because he was a threat to your position in 1998? Did you use the entire government machinery at your disposal to get him sentenced? Do you think he got a fair trial? Don’t you think the country suffered terribly because of nothing more than a power struggle involving the two of you?

Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Was it really necessary to spend RM10 billion on a showpiece airport at Sepang when Subang airport could have been so easily expanded?

Putrajaya. What is the justification for spending RM20 billion on a grandiose government city at a time when office space was available in Kuala Lumpur? Could the money not have been put to better use, such as improving educational resources?

Government-linked companies. Why did you not make efforts to improve the performance of GLCs? Why did you allow funds such as the Employees Provident Fund and Kumpulan Wang Amanah Pencen to take up dubious investments? These have led to hundreds, if not billions, of ringgit in losses to these funds.

Islamisation. At the end of your tenure after your falling out with Anwar, you criticised the extreme elements in Islam of taking control of government institutions and doing things that divided Muslims from non-Muslims. But isn’t it true you started it all with your “Menyerap Nilai-Nilai Islam Dalam Pentadbiran Negara” policy of 1981 when you lured Anwar into Umno to help you promote it? And why did you declare that Malaysia was an Islamic state when it is clearly enshrined in our Federal Constitution as the wishes of our founding fathers that Malaysia should be a secular country given our multi-racial and multi-religious composition? Were you trying to reverse the policy of the nation’s founding leaders?

Approved permits. You blamed International Trade and Industry Minister Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz for the AP fiasco. As we recall, you appointed her and kept her at the ministry since 1986 until you stepped down in 2003 and never once complained or took action over the issuance of APs by the ministry. Indeed, she was embroiled in some controversy over bumiputera share allotment but you stood by her. So why make it an issue now? If you say you were not aware back then, what does that tell us?

Money politics. Why did money politics (vote buying) in Umno become such a big issue during your tenure as Umno president? Why were you so powerless to do anything about it when the solutions were so simple? There are other questions, of course, but this is our list of 22. In the same way that Mahathir hopes the government will answer his questions, we hope that Mahathir will answer ours.

P Gunasegaran is group executive editor of The Edge. Comments: feedback@bizedge.com

While others are hoping for a resolution to end this conflict (or misunderstanding, in my point of view) as soon as possible, this dude trots along and adds fuel to the fire. Now, how can there be Press Freedom when the press refuse to behave themselves?

And, since when did The Edge start pressing politics?

Gone Dutch

I ordered a couple of jeans from vondutch.com last Friday, and I must say that I was quite impressed by the time it took them to reach my doorstep. At least the USD50.00 shipping cost was well worth it. I could even track the exact location of the package, real time (see below)!!!. Well done FedEx!


One thing though... I should've opted for gift wrapping at the checkout screen and declared them as gifts, then I wouldn't have to pay the RM111.00 tax the Malaysian Customs & Excise guys decided to impose. Despite the previous orders from various online shops, this was the first.

Oh well, like they always say... First time for everything, aye? Cheeky bastards!